I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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