I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
