you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
