On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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