I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you win again, gameday.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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