come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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