So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
