It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
