Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
