anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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