It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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