last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
