Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
