you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
