im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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