I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
