you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
