Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
