Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
