i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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