The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
