took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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