my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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