In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
