Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
