did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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