please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
