I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
