$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
ugly people sure do ruin things
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
