I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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