are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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