I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
