wat bout pragnant strippers??
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
