I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
