i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
