So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
