so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
