It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
