omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
