i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
