carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the room spins SO much faster in panama
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
