I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yo dont text me then not text me
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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