No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
