Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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