Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
