i just had sex bonerless
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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