I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
