You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
