I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
