do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm passing your future prison.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
