and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
