y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Success! We fucked roommates!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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