I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
