What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
