we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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