I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
