for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
