I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
