Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
