I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
