I'm jealous of your bromance
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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